I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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