She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
