I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
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