Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
no you cant smoke seaweed
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
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