I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
