i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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