The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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