Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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