Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
She announced her abortion via fbk
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
