I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
