problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
