Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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