Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
