I never want to see another naked old woman again.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
