Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Another day, another engagement, another cat
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
