im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
