I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
you win again, gameday.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
