You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
