I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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