at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
