Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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