So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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