ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I forget how to act sober
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
