I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
