I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Randomize
