You smell like stripper and shame
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
the night ended with taco bell and tears
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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