I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
