Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
