Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
