We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
