im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
he told me I talked like a deaf person
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
