woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
