Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I hope mine doesn't look like that
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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