dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Randomize
