I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
