If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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