you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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