her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
