Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
we should paint friendship bongs
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
