Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(516): View more from New York

so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

what if every blade of grass was a penis?

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(703): View more from Virginia

nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase

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(317): View more from Indiana

so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?

(713): View more from Texas

lets deal with that after we figure out where i am

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(856): View more from New Jersey

Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.

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(810): View more from Michigan

I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.

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(941): View more from Florida

Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night

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(402): View more from Nebraska

The streets are paved with hand jobs

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