if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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