i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize