but the lizard people decide everything anyway
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
