woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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