Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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