Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
