I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize