I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
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