thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
