guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
