My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
