Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
