I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I need help removing her.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
