either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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