He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
