I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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