Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
