How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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