Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize