I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
