she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Still dying that you shit outside
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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