shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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