yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
