the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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