i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
