I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
