i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
