i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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