What a fucking waste of an outfit
Small penises have feelings too.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
