Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
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