This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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