worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
