I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize