Dual....:-)
babies were throwing up all over the place
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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