just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
whose ass print is on the piano?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
