i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
