my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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